the face of an angel

Today I almost hit a small hedgehog with my car. It was crossing over the road in the center of Florence, in a place I was not expecting it to be. Luckily I managed to avoid it, but I am not sure the car behind me did. I feel so bad about that: If I would have stopped the car, then the car behind me would have to too. What happened to the small animal? How about my own karma?
I wish I could be a quick thinker so that I would have reacted in just a second, but I am not.

I am following a blog written by a young Swede who is dying of cancer. He has not reached his thirties yet, still he is a good journalist and his book was a bestseller in Sweden, though he is dying. He often writes about all the things he would do if he would have been healthy. He dreams about his past, about his journeys, about becoming a grand journalist in New York.
He often writes that life is so beautiful, and I wish I could appreciate it more than I do.
Is it only when we are living on the edge that we fully can worship life?
Should we take more advantage of our talents while we are still healthy and can?

Yesterday was a black day. I recieved the news that a friend who I got to know three years ago in Beijing had died. He was brutally killed in his homeland, Ecuador. He was a photo-journalist but did not die because of that. His brother is a minister so newspapers speculate whether or not this might have been the cause.
I don´t know, but what I do know is that he was a very brave good hearted soul. We spent some weeks getting acquainted, and during those moments we just shared thoughts and experiences. He had such a pure heart, he had no interest towards me, just to get to know me. After he left he sent me an email telling me he was happy that we met.
Why do many of the warmest hearted people die prematurely?
I wish this world could have more people in it like Juan Antonio, pure noble hearts.
God put angels on earth, some leave early, some stay for longer.
The face of a small hedgehog looks like the face of an angel, and who knows, maybe it is an angel?
Nobody knows how they really look like, do they?

what facebook is doing to the human eye, and why we are to blind to see it

"I wish I could have lived during the sixties"
 Me            

Jovanotti, a famous Italian singer, writes in his book "Il grande boh" that during full moon he encounters problems being creative. He usually stays up at night, since nighttime is when inspiration comes to him. During full moon he cannot focus on anything, his mind is dizzy, his body is anxious.

Sleep, I believe is something fundamental to us. Sleep, and also to let our eyes sleep at times. The modern human being is forgetting how she used to live like. She thinks that sitting in front of a computer is something normal, something sane. She never takes into consideration the fact that a hundred and fifty years ago, the human species spent their days on the land growing vegetables, or hunting or fishing in the forest.

The human eye is formed as a boiled egg, and what holds it there are six muscles that enables it to focus. When the human being used to walk in the forest, looking at birds, glazing at the horizon, she was training up the eyes´muscles. Today, sitting in front of the computer, looking at the iPhone, textmessaging, watching television our focus is still for hours. These habits are not only damaging for a day-to-day eye-sight, it causes some people having to wear eye-glasses since the eyes muscles itself are not able to change the focus. Eye-glasses are like a wheel-chair for the legs. 

A recent research at the University of Michigan, suggests that Facebook makes you unhappy. The research involved surveying 82 undergrads and showed that the more time the college students said they spent on Facebook, the more likely they were to report feeling a little less chipper, a little less satisfied with life. 

"The more people reported using Facebook, the more negative they were feeling following Facebook use," Oscar Ybarra, a psychologist at the University of Michigan.

Over the years, various studies have made a range of observations about our Facebook relationships: that posting photos alienates your friends, that "Liking" a post will nudge other friends who see it to do the same etc.

Here, to be complete the survey needs to differentiate between various kinds of activities on Facebook — whether the participants were simply browsing, posting public messages, or "liking" posts and photos. 

Facebook experience is influenced in no small part by "what you're doing online, and whom you're doing it with", for instance has satisfaction been a result of surveys when the undergrad students were communicating with their close friends or loved ones.

Considering human beings are complex creatures, and our online behavior reflects that too, it's perhaps not too surprising that this study shows how our actions influence our state of mind, even about the world's biggest social network.

Meanwhile the average American spends 31 minutes on Facebook each day, sleeping time has decreased to 6,5 hours per night, compared to 8 hours just one generation ago. In the last decades, sleep is increasingly considered as a waste of time: you snooze you lose. The digital culture promoves being "on", not "off". That the seemingly solitary sleep is dependent on a lived community makes the attack on the nightly rest, pictures the idea of how ​​a more cohesive society has broken down in favor of an ideology of individual success and fulfillment. Unproductiveness of sleep - the only remaining opportunity where we can neither work nor consume - is what Marx called a "natural barrier" against capitalism: that we sleep less and less is seen as an expression of the market's inherent demands for expansion.

The digital culture has effectively increased the commercialization of more and more aspects of our lives and normalized a connection 24/7 - around the clock. This has several consequences. The most obvious and often-discussed (but it seems to help) is that we make ourselves constantly exposed to intrusion and monitoring. We can say whatever we want about our abilities at ignoring ads in our Facebook feeds: no one can escape from the ongoing collection of our digital behaviors, which are then analyzed and resold.

Another consequence is how the constant readiness to perform different types of services places us in an ongoing digital training camp, where the distinctions between work and leisure, between public and private, between the living and the organization disappears. Any kind of set-up time can be filled with narcissistic self-reflection or construction of the personal brand. All occasions for real subjectivity, to free thoughts flow and daydreaming disappear.

When interpersonal contact is reduced to an interface, our responsibility for others finds itself eliminated, argue Crary, the writer of the book 24/7. Walter Benjamin noted that 18th Century people, which quickly became accustomed to the new congestion on city streets and trams, were the first generation to be systematically trained not to meet the other's gaze. Over a hundred years later, smart appliances prevent spontaneous meetings. More important still, 24/7 gives the illusion of a time without waiting and immediate gratification. As a result, patience, that is a prerequisite for any democracy is weakening: listening to others, waiting for their turn to speak.

24/7 is a time zone with no time, a world without shadows. Certainly, no one can work, shop, play, blog or do networking around the clock, but since today there is no time, place or situation in which one can not consume goods or use social networking, 24/7 infuses every aspect of our lives. But somewhere in the no man's land between society and nature, a resistance action is sleeping, which reminds us that another world is possible, and to some extent exists. A world where the earth and the sun moves and separates day from night. A world where we could relax.

Now that Facebook has entered an alliance with Ericsson and Nokia to deliver internet access to the worlds developing countries - in order to reach out to another four billion people - investing over 1 billion dollars, you do not need to be a genius to predict what is going to happen. Billions of people will see their lives changed; they will sit in front of screens, damaging their eyesight, getting bad sleep at night, feeling unhappy visiting facebook.

Why are we too blind to see what Facebook is doing to our lives, not only in terms of eyesight and sleep but also our state of mind?
Do we really need more human beings to suffer the same way as we do?

upupa sings a song for me

During crisis and pain, we can discover love. In a desperate situation we are filled with unconditional love. The word crisis is like cross roads. Violence and pain cannot stay in a space full of love and light. Angels landing from above, dissolving the dark wherever they go.


The other day I was amazed. While laying in the hammock reading a book, a small upupa bird (hoopoe) shows up.
It came to sit just within three foot-steps of reach. It was looking at me with curious eyes. It looked as if it wanted to tell me something, but I couldn´t understand it´s language. I just had a subtle feeling.


I had to find out more about this incredible bird, which was so pretty to me. Not only was I impressed by it´s colours, but also the soul felt light as its feathers.


I read that it´s name was given by a Swedish ornithologist, Mr Linneas in 1758. By that time the bird was common on Swedish ground. It used to be common in England as well, but was later (after the 50s) extinguished, probably because of the overuse of pesticides in agriculture.


I wonder if this particular individual could come flying from Egypt. In ancient Egypt, upupa was considered a sacred bird, it was forbidden to kill it and it was often illustrated on thumbs. I am sorry to know that life is not as sacred in today´s Egypt.


In Greek and latin mythology the upupa is instead considered to be a despicable in the Metamorphoses of Ovid. When the king of Thrace, Tereus's wife Procne (learnt of the rape of her sister Philomela by her husband) servs dishes cooked with the meat of their son Iti, Tereus tries to kill her and is turned into a upupa while Procne became a swallow and Philomela a nightingale. The god´s choice of  the upupa comes from the crest of this bird that indicates royalty, while the long, pointed beak recalls the violent nature of King Tereus.

In the Bible, upupa should not be eaten, since considered the bird of sin.


In the Coran upupa is a messenger.


In old Persia, upupa is considered the bird of virtue.


In Europe the upupa was considered a thief, just like the magpies. In Scandinavia, on the other hand, seeing an upupa was associated with an imminent war. The sound of the bird hip hip was a prediction of a non-peaceful period of time.


In the Baltic countries, hearing their singing is an omen of death to humans or animals. They use to think the upupa was able to establish a contact between the realm of the living and the death.


After reading the history about upupa, I wonder if the choice of Israel to use the upupa as its national bird was just a random one.


I do believe us humans were more connected to human earth once. We felt nature, and nature could speak through us. Most of us lost this deep connection to mother nature. So my feeling is there is some truth to be found in the knowledge of the past regarding the upupa.


However, the bird confuses me. Why did it show up on August 14th, the worst day of killings in Egypt. If it really is supposed to be the "bird of death" then why did I feel like it was telling me to live my life as much as I could.

sowing seeds

                                                                                                                  









De parvis grandis acervus eris
out of something small, great things can be accomplished


Looking back, on August 1st one year ago, I posted some thoughts regarding the owl - the sign of transformation. Now, a whole year has past by, and what have I learnt since.


                                                                 
I learnt the essence of: sowing seeds



Sowing seeds can be interpreted in many different ways. You may sow flowers, vegetables or other seeds to make your garden look beautiful, to have tasty vegetables or just a greener environment. This is partly what I have been doing.
I have planted almost two hundred plants of tomatoes, together with zucchini, peppers, unions, potatoes, cucumbers, aubergines...



It has been an amazing journey to see the tomatoe plants become two meters high and full
of red fruits hanging from them, when four months earlier they were only a 1 mm small seed.
To see something so small and vulnerable, become something so hugh and generous, is awarding. You dedicate a lot of your time taking care of these plants, from watering them when they are small, to eliminating branches and tying them when they get bigger. The fun part is to pick the fruit. That is the time when you can fully sense the satisfaction of your fatigues. The taste of the tomatoes is the proof your work has been rewarding.

There are many ways to sow seeds on. I have been imagining myself being a seed. I do this as a meditation. I bend down lying like a baby in my mothers stomach. In there I am safe, since I am just a small tiny seed. Then something happens to me. I can feel the warmth coming, filling my whole body from within. It gets so warm, I feel I need to move. I take my first moves, up towards the sun. I slowly move my arms up to touch the sky. My legs are bending open now, standing up. I feel I want to reach the sky, my whole body is a plant which is growing towards the sun, almost feeling as if I could touch it. Finally the tense feeling of reaching out gets to a climax. I yell out loud, then I let my arms hang down, relaxing.



Another way to sow seeds is in life. Whatever your aims, your goals, your ambitions are. Start to sow some seeds here and there. Look for the right people and let them know what you desire. Keep your eyes open, never let an occasion go out of hand. Each moment in life can be a moment to sow a seed. Slowly, but safely, you will see that what you are sowing will start to grow.
Whether it is about a job, a material thing, a spiritual path, a journey or a relationship.



In relationships, especially, sowing seeds are important. When making new friends you are sowing new seeds. Then, in time, you need to make sure to take care of the friendship. If you do not take care of the plant that is growing, it will grow out of hand. A relation is just as a fragile flower - you need to take daily care of it. You need to water it, give it some nutrition, let it stand in the sun. If you do not add some positive energy to the relationship, sooner or later it is condemned to break.



Sowing seeds are important for our lives. They can make our dreams come true. They make our relationships last long. They help us achieve what we want in life.
But you need to remember to have no rush. Growing is a long process, it takes time and a lot
of energy and care.


     Chi va piano va sano e va lontano
                                                                                             Who goes slowly, goes healthy, goes far

bear encounter before a long rest

meanwhile the last few maple leaves fell from the trees
your body left the surface of the planet earth
you took farewell in the same place where your life first saw the sun
in that same stead you finally laid down to rest
but that site is forever yours, and you are forever the site

your body, as the mountain, heavy and full of wisdom
you were magnanimous just as the wide vastness of the forest
you were a torrential current, as the river with its magnificent power
your heart knew of no limits, as the infinity of the horizon
you were generous as the woodland with its red gold

you could flare up just as a heap of leaves that blow in the wind
just as fast you would calm down again
your calm was as a lake, your still reflection in the water
your footsteps just as stable as a pine and fir
you were soft and mysterious as a fen
your eyes were warm as the colours of the maple leaves

every time I walk in your forest, breathe the air, pick the berries, I will think of you
cause now you live amongst us, your spirit float between the tree tops
you still exist in the water drops that falls on the spruce hut
you are eternally there in the air the trees breathe, in every single breath
the pines whisper your name, the creek and the thrushes sing your song

when I walk there I know in my heart,
while the beautiful colours of autumn fade away and enter the bleakness of the winter
your spirit will rest, as the bear hibernate
then later, on the first day of spring
it will see light again when the first life begin to sprout
you are once again a part of everything
you, the king of the forest

Today it was exactly two months ago that I left Florence in a rush to go to see my family. A family member, my step father, my mother´s husband had sadly past away in an accident a few days earlier.
It came as a shock to us all. No one was prepared to face such pain and sorrow.
I was really scared at first. I thought I never could handle facing such sadness. Then I thought about my family, and at sudden I knew I had to face the situation. At least I had to do it for them. We had to be united in such difficult times.
It helped me to write about his death. I wrote a poem, then I wrote articles which were later published
in different newspapers. Many people were affected by his sudden farewell. He knew many, many knew him. He was that kind of person that everybody knows. Any time he came you would notice him. Now that he is not here with us, he left an emptiness. A hole not easy to fill again.
The only way I know is to continue to write about him and talk about him. If we learn from him,
he will continue living amongst us. Cause a person is not its flesh and blood. A human being is such because of what he or she stands for. For what one worship. And we can continue to treasure those values he cared for. We can try to embody what he lived for.

Three nights ago we were once again remembered of his presence. That he never really left us. Only his physical body left this earth. This time his appearance was quite unusual and unexpected.
My mother and brother, still living in the same house where he lived almost all his life, were woken up two hours past midnight by an animal barking. At first they believed it was the neighbour´s dog. But then they thought it was too loud so they went out to see. On the street outside their house they could spot a small fox barking under the light. It semt rather scared. Like it was barking of fear.
They returned to the house. My mother told my brother to have a look from the balcony if he could see any other animal. He could see nothing because of the dark. But he heard a very loud growl just a few meters away. Then he could sense a heavy animal lope away from the house towards the forest. By then he was sure it was a bear. He wanted to go out into the dark to see it. But my mother stopped him. None of them had never ever seen a wild bear, none the less would they ever expect to see one just outside their door.

Next day, at daylight, they did go out. They saw traces from the bear all over their garden. He had eaten from their apples. He had been outside their cellar where they keep even more apples. He had been spying around their property. There were traces everywere.
When my mother told me the story, I was shocked, but also convinced. This was her husband coming back to greet her. For the last time before winter. Bear usually eat as much as they can before hibernating. He was probably really hungry. And he knew there were lots of apples in his own garden -who would know it better than himself?
My mother was worried he would come back the next night, and the next. But I told her, no need to worry. It is only her husband coming back again for a last farewell. And she should put out the apples from the cellar so that he has enough food for the long sleep during wintertime.

I know this will not be his last time to lay down and rest. May he rest in peace.

we are star dust

Infinito cielo stellare: ti guardo e subito mi domando "cos´altro sono oltre a quello che gia so di essere?"

Infinite sky of stars: I look at you and I ask myself "Who am I, more than what I already know to be?"


Sometimes I wonder if there is a parallell world for me on some other place on this earth. I wonder how I would be, how I would live, what kind of people I would be surrounded by.
Is there more sides to me to discover? Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my life. Each time I traveled far in space and time I have discovered new parts of myself. Secret rooms of a huge unhabited castle I never visited before. There can be treasures there to be find, but also others rooms which I rather would not walk into.

At times I am amazed of what I find inside. There can be all kinds of magic in there. That is why I always have risked everything. Sometimes you need to leave all you have behind if you want to find something new. Each and every time I find a new secret room, I grow. Life becomes magic. It is just as if there is a whole undiscovered world inside me, full of unknown talents. There are two events in my life which made me realize this.
There are two dependant conditions. For your potential to fully bloom, you need to risk all you have, and you need to have faith. Universe, in the end, is nothing but energy.

During the phase of my life while living in China I had a desperate need of moving. My housing situation was going beyond control and I had only two or three days of time to move. But I could find no place nice to stay in. While walking on the street with a Chinese friend, a lady comes up to me on the street. It turns out I go to live with her and her sweet son. That was the beginning of living together with a wonderful Chinese family and a friendship that will last forever.

 

 

I always wanted to meet a Swedish singer. I knew all her songs by the age of twelve. I used to sing her songs, playing them on my guitar.
While living in Stockholm for a brief period of time, I felt time had come to realize my dream of seeing the singer live. I seriously thought about it for weeks, and told my friends how I could feel it coming. I had faith it would happen. I was very lucky to recieve four tickets to her realease concert, which was only for invited guests. The concert was amazingly intimate.
I stood only a few meters away from the singer. But I still felt it was not enough  - I felt I needed to talk to her. My curiosity was taking over.

After a few weeks time I told my friend I had faith that time had come. I was walking with her in a park, and when we split up, she called me telling me she had just seen the singer there. But I could not see her anywhere. I felt disappointment coming over me like a cold shower. I laid down on a bench in the sun. The warm sunlight gave me strenght. Lying there I realized this was not the only chance. Somewhere deep inside, I knew there would be more chances.

Next day me and the same friend was watching a concert in a jazz club. Music was wonderful.
We were enjoying the company and our drinks. When I looked around me, I was almost chocked when I saw the singer standing just at an armlength of distance from me. I almost did not believe my eyes. But I realized my moment had come. I had faith this moment would come. And here it was.
So I did not hesitate one second. I stood up, and went over to talk to her.

Now I wonder If there is a new secret room to discover for me? Shall I follow my instinct or will it bring me on a tuff winding road again? Where will I find total peace?

It might be that our destiny is written in the stars. It might even be so that each and every one of us used to be a star. When someone dies a star stops gloving. When somebody is born, a new star starts shining in the sky. Or is it that the light that comes from a star is born inside of us at birth?
If we could carry that light inside of us, that little star, we could be happier. If we could have more faith in universe life might be easier. If you believe your destiny is written in the stars, you need to have faith. You do not need to worry anymore. Destiny will take care of you. Little star.


Siamo figlie delle stelle (We are the children of the stars)
 

owl transformation on a full moon night

“I want to realize brotherhood or identity not merely with the beings called human, but I want to realize identity with all life, even with such things as crawl upon earth.”

                                                                                                                              Mahatma Gandhi

Today I had a strong emotional experience watching a movie. It is not every day I get moved by films, at least not as strongly as this one, and not as profound. The story is about a vet student who loses his both parents in an accident and end up going to work for a circus. He fells in love with the woman who trains the horses. In the very beginning one of the white horses dies from a disease. It is sad. I cannot support watching horses getting hurt, none the less die. It reminded me of the time when I saw a real horse getting carried away for slaughtery. It was full moon that evening, and I cried.
But the event that made me cry desperately was when the circus director is hurting the elephant really badly. The elephant is lying down, full of wounds and blood. It was a terrible scene. It made me full of sorrow and pain.

Elephants are spiritual, and deeply emotional animals. I experienced that myself on a trip to Mandalkiri, Cambodia where I realized my dream of riding an elephant. I was not sitting on the back in a box like many poeple do. I asked to sit on the head of the elephant, to steer it with my own feet, and so I did. It was a truly wonderful feeling. After riding for a while, we stopped in the djungle to swim together with the elephant. In the water I had a spiritual, close-to-euphoria, experience. When I was bathing the giant animal, and getting so close to him that I could touch his face, I looked deep into his eyes as he was lying in the water relaxing. It was something special to me. Unexplainable.
What moved me the most was what happened while riding our way back to the village, where we had to cross a road with cars. A big truck with loads of standing people on it, came towards us, backing up to let people watch the elephants. Both people and truck were very loud. The elephants got really scared, they were trembling and we were shaking. They were screeming like frightened children. They tried to run away. The mahouts got really nervous, hitting the elephants with a stick to avoid them to escape. In that moment something that I will never forget happened: one elephant took the other´s trunk and twirled it around his own trunk. That way they were looking like they were hugging each other. They were comforting each other.

I was not surprised when I read the news that an elephant had killed two trainers while escaping from a zoo. The elephant did not even touch the people that had not caused him any harm. He only killed or hurted the ones that had been evil to him  earlier on. I believe this is karma.
They say elephants and horses remember everything. I would like to sign on to that. I belive that if you hurt an animal, it will one day, sooner or later, get revenge.
I will not tell you here the end of the film, but I can assure you the end has to do with karma.
I never hurted my horse and she has never ever even tried to bite me. A neighbour of mine just got bit by his horse really badly. That horse was used to violence from his earlier owner.

The other day, while I was walking my dog as I usually do in the evenings, I saw a a beautiful white barn owl. It was quite and calm outside, the night was black except for the road lights that lightened up the way. The owl was sitting majestly on top of an electric cord, standing out as it was, huge and white, in the black night. I had an emotional boost, since it was one of the very few times in my life, and for sure the first time seeing a barn owl. I knew by seeing it transformation was on its way. Owls bare a rumor of being the symbol for change. So I felt. I find myself in a moment of life, undergoing different transformations. Seeing the owl was just an affirmation that I am walking in the right direction. All the changes I am living right now will benefit me in one way or another. I could sense I am having positive vibes. Attracting all kinds of animals lately should be a sign for that.

Tonight is full moon. Full moon always makes me wonder about our connection to this earth, universe and existing as a whole. How come the cycle of the moon is just as long as the femal cycle? Every time I watch the moon, I always try to see if I can trace its face. Normally I always find the two eyes, the nose and...yes, its smiling mouth. It appears to me the moon is always smiling. I wonder why? Does life on earth look really funny from so far away? Are our day to day problems so small, if you look at them from a distance? I wonder if the moon would have the answer to all these questions.